Psychobabble
by CherubKatan
Summary: It's as the title says, pyschobabble.
1. Psychobabble Part 1

I don't own Weiß. Someone else does.  
  
Note: See bottom page.

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Psychobabble

If you could have a single wish, what would it be? A new car? Money? Better looks? To have a voice as sweet as a nightingale or would you wish to be extremely powerful? What is your most selfish desire? Do you not even know or are you too shocked and full of disbelief that I would be asking you this?

Ah, I see a little bit of both, shock as well as disbelief.

So, what would your one wish be? … Oh, you're happy with what you have. Now why don't you try answering it correctly this time? … Yes, I do believe that I just called you a liar. Why, because I said you were. It's the truth and you know it. No one's completely satisfied with what they're given in life. They're constantly wanting more than what they have. I know you're like that, as I said everyone is.

Oh, really you're not like that. You still have no inner, hidden desire. I still don't believe you; even I have something that I want. I'm a selfish bastard, and I will do everything in my power to make my desires come to pass, that means that I could care less about how many people I hurt and destroy. They are after all only getting in the way of what I want. Destruction is, after all, the best policy for unwanted people.

What is my wish you ask? Curious aren't you? I don't think that right now is the best time or place to go into such a lengthy discussion. Maybe next time, that is, if I decide to hold another conversation with you ever again. This wasn't my idea in the first place. I never wanted to come to you to begin with.

Insisting? Haha, that's funny. You can insist all you like, but in the end it all boils down to one thing, it's my choice on whether I come back to you or not. As a matter of fact, if you continue with your insistence, I might just have to get up and leave right now, never to come back or even think about placing a single foot over that threshold ever again.

That got you to shut up now didn't it. Can't stand the thought of letting someone like me out of your sight eh? I'm a real case to study.

That's not it? Whatever. You know we've already established the fact that you're a liar. Telling another lie isn't going to fix your reputation with me. Calling me names doesn't either, but if that's what you really feel about me… I'm not going to complain. I have been called worse after all.

My, my, such language from you, I wouldn't have expected you to know about those words, let alone understand their meaning.

I know, I'm infuriating aren't I? I've had people tell me that that is where my charm lies. Don't you agree?

I see my time's run out already. Pity, I was hoping we could talk more. Your wide range of vocabulary bowls me over.

Yes, yes, I'm leaving, although parting is such sweet sorrow. Oh yeah, you never told me what your wish was. I guess I'll just have to stop by again sometime. Bye.

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Author's notes: I'll give you ten dollars if you can figure out who this is bye now! 

Schu: Hey what about me?!

You don't deserve anything.

Schu: …


	2. Psychobabble Part 2

I don't own Weiß. Someone else does.

Note: There is no note just like there is no spoon.

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Psychobabble

Part 2

I'm back. What? You're surprised to see me?

Oh, I see, you didn't expect me to ever come back. That's a shame; you should always expect the unexpected with me. Besides, I still need to get an answer out of you.

Come now, you should remember this. I asked you a question last time I was here and you lied. Here, I'll refresh your memory. I asked you, if you could have any one wish granted, what would it be? Heh, you're still giving that old worn out lie, eh?

Do I see a flush of anger rising in your cheeks? Aww, don't get angry, friends ask these type of questions to one another. … Ouch, … that hurts me right in my heart. How can you be so cruel to me? Really, you should count yourself lucky that I consider you as one of my friends.

See, that's why you're considered a friend. You have such a sharp, rowdy tongue on you.

Now what was I saying before? That's right. Consider yourself lucky that you aren't one of my enemies. It's really simple my friend. I keep my friends close, but my enemy's even closer, especially one of them and I get the feeling that you wouldn't want to get THAT close to me.

…. No, I don't keep him close in that way. Get your mind out of the gutter. This may be the twenty-first century, but not everyone has homosexual impulses. Thank God, I'm not aroused right now. That comment would have killed my rising sexual desire in a matter of seconds.

Anyway, I keep him close to me. It's a little bit funny actually. He's gay and thinks that he's in love with me. Flattering as it is, you know now that I would never swing that way.

Who is it? Now that's getting a bit too personal for my liking. I know, you have this whole confidentiality thing going on, but guess what, so do I.

Disappointing isn't it?

Here, how about we do it like this. Maybe later I'll tell you about everything. The key word to this though, is maybe. I might decide not to tell you. We'll see how this goes about won't we?

I'm tired of standing, so I think I'll lie down on the big leather couch of yours. Why thank you sooo much for telling me I could! I didn't need you to say that though. No one has ever told me what to do and expected me to do it. Quite frankly, I'm not going to start with you. Oh yeah, I think it's time for you to start thinking about purchasing a new one. This one seems to be worn in places. Let me guess, you were in one of your naughty little phases and decided to have an orgy in here on it? That's too bad, the idea was starting to turn me on.

Anyway, that's beside the point. What is the point? You need a new couch. Yes, you can, it's called a business write off as well as a tax write off, and you do it all the time. Don't worry about how I know about that, I just do.

Again with the colorful language eh? It still amazes me on how you can curse like a sailor. It makes my heart swoon as well. Now, take a deep breath, yes like that, count to ten, good, good. Exhale very slowly; release all that negative energy of anger and tension with the breath. Do you feel better now? Wonderful! That means I can mess with you some more, next time though, since our time is up yet again.

Remember, new couch, not leather though it's so uncomfortable and harsh on my poor back, next time I see you and I expect that you answer me truthfully as well. See ya!

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Author's notes: Anyway… I hope you're enjoying this stuff… remember this is someone talking to someone else… not my normal style but oh well I think it's pretty interesting. And by the way it isn't Ken but it was a good guess though.

Schu: I still want ten dollars

You still aren't getting crap

Schu: … evil hell spawn…

I know.


	3. Psychobabble Part 3

I don't own Weiß. Someone else does.

Note: There is no note just like there is no spoon.

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Psychobabble

Part 3

We can only meet, a pity, for an hour once a week. I'm beginning to enjoy these little discussions with you. I know things aren't supposed to be like this but you know what, my friend. I never do anything in a normal fashion. Mmm, I endeavor to be different. It spices life up in a way you could never possibly dream of.

Although, you really should try it sometime, let down your hair occasionally, you know the Liberal thing. No, Rapunzel was locked up in a tower all of her life, but can you just imagine how sexually frustrated she was when that witch finally kicked her out of the place? I bet she was on the verge of jumping on any man she met.

What does this have to do with letting your hair done? I don't know I thought it would make an interesting point of view although you were the one who spoke of that chick. Anyway, I've always found sex to be one of the greatest things to speak of. Now here's a question for you, do I look like a man who's sexually frustrated? Better yet, how about you come home with me tonight and I'll show you how frustrated I am. No? Ah well, C'est La Vie as the French say.

Oh yes, before we go further on in that topic and I forget. I like the new couch. It's very comfortable.

I got it, instead of wasting the rest of our time together with just idle chatter, why don't we break in the new couch. A little rough and tumble to make it even more comfortable.

You're not up for it. That's all right I was expecting you to say something like that. It's no big deal.

Anyway, back to what we were talking about the first time I was here.

You're not going to answer me. You don't have to. Now that is something else not many people have defied me for this long. It's interesting how you're trying to. However, I hate to say this but it won't last very long. I'll soon get tired of this little charade and get what I'm looking for one way or another.

How am I? It's simple dear, and if I told you how, I would have to kill you. I would rather not do that just yet. So, just believe me when I say that I do have ways of making people tell me things. Did you know that I once made this Christian fundamentalist go down on her dear sweet boyfriend in the middle of a high-class restaurant?

Oh, you should have seen the look on her face after she swallowed. It was priceless, I tell you. Her boyfriend's expression was worth just as much. That was such a wonderful day and it got even better.

After she was finished, the waiter walked over to her, calmly handed her a napkin and told her blasé a blasé that some of the semen had dribbled down the corner of her mouth… just right there… on the left side… if you'd be so kind as to wipe it off mademoiselle. I swear her face went from the color of the ripest tomato to the color of an eggplant. You should have been there. It was absolutely the most beautiful thing in the world.

How did I make her do it? As I said earlier, if I told you what it was I would have to kill you and that would spoil all of our fun together. Besides, like you, I have to keep a few secrets of my own.

I've been meaning to ask this. What's my verdict so far? Am I insane? Hmm, that's no good; people like you are supposed to be professionals with stuff like this and can usually make a sound judgment within the first day of speaking to a person.

Did you go to school long or did you learn everything you could from that Psycho's for Dummies book? On the other hand, is it The Complete Idiots Guide to Psycho's?

There's no need to get offended, it's just a question. Call it a rhetorical one then, whatever. Time's run out for us yet again. Fare thee well.

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Author's notes: Sadly, to say the two who guessed for the last chapter it's neither Yohji nor Farfie. Interesting guesses though so try again?

Schu: OH OH I KNOW WHO IT IS!

No one has asked you bakayarou!

Schu: Hmph, no one asks me my opinions ever anyway.

I do when it's something you're capable of thinking about.

Schu: … -mutters something-

Excuse me what did you say?

Schu: I didn't say anything…

… Well I have to go now and take care of my little muse now… I won't beat him up too much so leave a review if you like. See ya!


End file.
